Fowl Language

A flock of Canada geese huddle together recently on a frozen stretch of the Huron River. (photo by Lon Horwedel)

In a time of winter when most migrating birds are safely south where it’s nice and warm (at least most years), some stubbornly insist on staying put to battle the elements until spring. Such was the case with this flock of Canada geese I spotted huddling together to try and stay warm in single digit temperatures as the wind whipped across the frozen Huron River.

I stopped to take some pictures of the poor, frozen birds, and as I was taking pictures, I imagined what a frozen flock of geese from Canada would say to each other if they could actually talk. It went something like this:

Owen: “Can you believe we’re stopping here for da winter Pierre?

Pierre: “No doubt, eh? Whose da hoser leading dis flock anyhow?

Owen: “Andre, I tink ... or maybe Jean Luc - who knows, eh?

Wayne: “Will you two hosers shut up over dare. I was just aboot to fall asleep.”

Owen: “Jeez, who invited da Newfie? All he does is complain, eh?"

Pierre: “Isn’t dat what you’re doing?”

Owen: “Take off, eh? I ain’t complaining. I’m just sayin’ it’s probably a heck-of-a-lot warmer down sout instead of sittin’ here on a chunk of ice with a couple soakers.”

Pierre: “Okay, okay, I see your point. A farm wooda been nice, or somewhere wit trees to block da wind.”

Owen: “Yah, you got dat right. Next year I say we leave a munt early so we can fly furder sout, eh?

Pierre: “Beauty idea, Owen, dey don’t like us here anyhow.”

Owen: “No doubt, last year dey shot Etienne just as he crossed da border.”

Pierre: “Yah, I heard dey ate him for supper, eh?”

Owen: “Yah, dat was a shame, he’d never stop here - he’d keep going till it was warm.”

Pierre:  “Hey, why don’t we just fly alone?”

Owen: “Brutal idea, eh? We need da rest of deez hosers to fly wit us sose we can save our energy.”

Pierre: “But we only flew 150 kilos Owen, if I wanted my butt stuck to a block of ice all winter, I wooda stayed in Saskatoon!”

Owen: “I taut you loved da ice, eh?”

Pierre: “Yah, for hockey you hoser, not for horkin’ a nap!"

Wayne: “Would you two knobs just shut your yaps and go to sleep like da rest of us is trying to do?”

Owen: “Don’t be such a keener, Wayne!”

Pierre: “Yah, you know as well as us yoo’d radder be suckin’ down 40-pounders on da beach.”

Wayne: “Take off, hoser!”

Owen: “No way, eh … you take off!”

Wayne: “Beauty idea!”